Nurturing Feelings of Self-Worth in Children Main Article LDS Perspective

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One of the greatest ways parents, relatives, guardians, friends, and teachers can foster children’s feelings of self-worth is to understand their divine nature. The Family: A Proclamation to the World states: "All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny" (¶ 2). When we deeply comprehend how valuable children are, we can better help them understand both their eternal value and their importance in this life.

In many eras of history, family survival depended on the work of both parents and children. Children were needed and essential. After the Industrial Revolution, people increasingly began to view children more as burdens on time and resources. Today too many parents see their children in terms of whether the children contribute or detract from their fulfillment, self-image, and well-being.

While the world may consider taking care of children a menial task that hinders adult personal growth, Christ taught that children are of infinite value. He expects all people, but especially parents, to treat children with utmost care and tenderness.

When the disciples asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" Christ brought forward a child and said, "Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. . . . Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:1-4). Children have an innocence that the Lord asks us all to acquire. They are a gift from heaven -- humble, teachable, loveable, meek, and trusting.

President Gordon B. Hinckley (1997) counseled:

Never forget that these little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship to them; that He was a parent before you were parents and that He has not relinquished His parental rights or interest these His little ones. Now, love them, take care of them. Fathers, control your tempers, now and in all the years to come. Mothers, control your voices; keep them down. Rear your children in love, in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Take care of your little ones. Welcome them into your homes, and nurture and love them with all of your hearts. (p. 73)

Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (1991) taught:

Every human being is a spirit child of God and lived with Heavenly Father before coming to earth. He entrusts his spirit children to earthly parents, who provide a mortal body for them through the miracle of physical birth, and gives to parents the sacred opportunity and responsibility to love, protect, teach, and to bring them up in light and truth so they may one day, through the atonement and resurrection of Jesus Christ, return to our Father’s presence. (p. 78)

Robert D. Hales (1993), while serving as Presiding Bishop, stated:

In many ways earthly parents represent their Heavenly Father in the process of nurturing, loving, caring [for], and teaching children. Children naturally look to their parents to learn of the characteristics of their Heavenly Father. After they come to love, respect, and have confidence in their earthly parents, they often unknowingly develop the same feelings toward their Heavenly Father. (p. 9)

When we realize how much children are worth and that they are "the greatest in the kingdom of heaven," we will want to do the best we can to teach, serve, and nurture the children Heavenly Father has entrusted to us. As we do this, we will be blessed. We will learn far more than if we were to focus on our own fulfillment.

Practical Ideas for Parents

In an Ensign article entitled "Helping Your Children Like Themselves," James Harris (1983) offered ten ways parents can help children understand their worth (p. 14). The following ideas are adapted from his list.

1. Teach children that they are divine spirits who have the potential to become like their Father in Heaven. Frequently remind children of their divine nature and divine potential. Teach them that their Heavenly Father loves them and will never leave them alone. Help them to come to this knowledge for themselves through prayer and scripture study.
2. Be positive and optimistic when children make mistakes; avoid dwelling on their weaknesses. How a parent reacts to difficult situations can have a great impact on a child’s feelings of worth. When your children make mistakes, minimize them as appropriate and help them move on quickly. Give sincere and positive feedback. When parents accept children and encourage them, children develop confidence.
3. Understand each child and adapt your teaching style accordingly. Each child has different strengths, weaknesses, and needs. Know your child well so you can adapt your parenting to his or her individual personality. Avoid comparing children with their siblings. Be interested in each child’s life, supporting his or her goals and desires. Sister Michaelene P. Grassli (1994), former general president of the Primary, said:

   We need to discover who our children really are. We need to know what interests them, what worries them, and what they would do if they had their fondest dreams come true. Nearly always, their fondest dreams are wonderful. We can let children be their own selves and not expect them to be reproductions of their parents. Give them varied experiences so they can discover what interests them, and then encourage these interests and talents—even if they are not the same as yours. (p. 62)

4. Teach children correct principles, but give them room to learn and grow by encouraging them to do things on their own. Parents should not do everything for their children. When parents allow children to do things on their own or work with them side-by-side as they learn, children develop maturity and confidence. Once you’ve taught as best you can, let your children practice on their own what you’ve taught.
5. Help your child develop self-worth by learning to serve others. Teach children the importance of serving others. Help them recognize the good feelings they experience when they help someone else. A deep sense of self-worth and confidence can develop when we selflessly give to others. Even very young children can come to realize their important role in blessing the lives of others.
6. Spend as much time with your children as you can. The best gift you can give your children is yourself. Spend time alone with each child. Enjoy an activity together or just sit and talk. This one-on-one time helps your child feel important and loved. It also helps you maintain closeness, which is so important to a child’s development and sense of self.
7. Teach your children how to work. Children who know how to work hard gain a strong sense of self-worth. They need you to fully what’s expected of them and to show them by example. Work with them until they understand how to complete tasks. Don’t expect them to understand your definition of "clean your room" without your showing them, not just telling them
8. Teach children to see the good in other people. Help children to realize that we are all brothers and sisters and we are all blessed with different strengths and weaknesses. When children say or do mean things to other people, it sometimes reflects the way they view themselves. It’s easy to pick out weaknesses in others, but helping children build the habit of looking for the good in others helps them learn to see the good in themselves.
9. Teach children to respect themselves and not to dwell on their shortcomings. One of the best ways to teach self-respect despite shortcomings is to model this behavior yourself. When you admit your mistakes matter-of-factly, without berating yourself, and then do something to correct them, your children will learn to do the same. Everyone makes mistakes. They can be an important learning tool if we don’t dwell on them but rather acknowledge them and then improve.
10. Speak and act in ways that sincerely express your love to your children. Sometimes words alone can be a powerful tool for fostering self-worth in your child. He or she needs to hear the words "I love you." Simple actions, too, such as a hug or kiss, communicate loving feelings. President Hinckley (1994) has said, "Children need sunlight. They need happiness. They need love and nurture. They need kindness and refreshment and affection. Every home, regardless of the cost of the house, can provide an environment of love which will be an environment of salvation" (p. 54).

Written by Janell Langlois, Research Assistant, and edited by Stephen F. Duncan, Professor, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

References

Ballard, M. R. (1991, May). Teach the children. Ensign, 78. Retrieved August 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1991.htm/ensign%20may%201991%20.htm/teach%20the%20children.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=5804

Grassli, M. P. (1994, April). Teaching our children. Ensign, 62. Retrieved August 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1994.htm/ensign%20april%201994.htm/teaching%20our%20children.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=1628

Hales, R. D. (1993, November). How will our children remember us? Ensign, 9. Retrieved August 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1993.htm/ensign%20november%201993.htm/how%20will%20our%20children%20remember%20us.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=6950

Harris, J. M. (1983, February). Helping your children like themselves. Ensign, 14. Retrieved August 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1983.htm/ensign%20february%201983%20.htm/helping%20your%20children%20like%20themselves%20.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=5969

Hinckley, G. B. (1997, July). Excerpts from recent addressed of President Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, 72. Retrieved August 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1997.htm/ensign%20july%201997.htm/excerpts%20from%20recent%20addresses%20of%20president%20gordon%20b.%20hinckley%20.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=3193