Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Main Article LDS Perspective Expanded Version

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When Stan and Karen found themselves the primary caregivers of three grandchildren in 2002, they joined millions of grandparents raising grandchildren. In 2000, the U.S. Census Bureau reported that:

• 3.6% (5.8 million) of adults 30 years old and older were living with a grandchild younger than 18.
• 42% of grandparents living with grandchildren were also "grandparent caregivers," meaning that they had primary responsibility for grandchildren living with them.
• 39% of grandparent caregivers had cared for their grandchildren for five or more years.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World states: "children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity" (¶ 7). However, "disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation" (¶ 7). In those situations, "extended families should lend support when needed" (¶ 7). Grandparents who of necessity must raise their grandchildren play a critical role in God's plan for families.

If you are a grandparent caregiver, you know raising grandchildren is not easy. Grandparent caregivers face many challenges. However, amid these challenges, caring for grandchildren has rewards. In this article, you will find information on common challenges faced by grandparent caregivers and tips on how you can raise your grandchildren successfully.

Challenges Facing Grandparent Caregivers

The following is a list of challenges faced by grandparent caregivers. Do not be alarmed if you can relate to many or all of them. Hopefully, you will find comfort knowing that others are experiencing similar challenges as you.

• Poverty. Poverty is a major problem for grandparent caregivers. Said one grandparent:

I don't have money to buy things I need for my family. We barely survive. The struggle to buy a simple dress for my little girl, you would not believe. If only I could have continued working. But the dollar I used to spend on a [subway] token to visit my friend in Queens now buys a loaf of bread. Of course, I am grateful we have bread. (Burnette, 1999, p. 54)

• Delaying retirement or quitting work early. Grandparents make sacrifices to raise their grandchildren. They quit work in order stay at home with a baby, or continue working well past the age of retirement to support their family.
• Inadequate housing. Like many grandparents, when Karen and Stan brought their grandkids home, they did not have any spare bedrooms so the kids had to sleep in their room.
• Inadequate transportation. Karen and Stan also didn't have a vehicle to carry all of them. Stan sold his Harley-Davidson motorcycle in order to purchase a mini-van. Still, Karen and Stan seem well off compared to others. Many grandparent caregivers do not have any vehicle.
• Poor health. Grandparents who care for their grandchildren have poorer health than those who do not. One grandmother commented:

There's a bunch of grandmommas in my same fix. We all sick with arthritis and heart trouble. Some got sugar, too. Most of us can't even walk. But we still taking care of our kids. We all they got left. (Burton, 1992, p. 749)

• Confusion about their role with their grandchildren. Explained one grandmother: "Who am I? Grandma? Mama? Grandmama? If I can't figure it out, how can I expect them [the grandchildren] to?" (Burnette, 1999, p. 55).
• Loss of the traditional grandparent role. Grandparent caregivers must give up being a traditional grandparent. Instead of spoiling their grandkids and sending them home with Mom and Dad, they have to be Mom and Dad. Grandparent caregivers commonly feel sad about not being able to be a traditional grandparent.
• Loss of personal freedom. Many grandparent caregivers feel a great loss of personal freedom. One grandfather reported, "Prior to the children coming to live with me I was footloose and fancy free. Can't do that anymore. I still miss doing things on the spur of the moment" (Kolomer & McCallion, 2005, p. 290).
• Normal challenges of raising grandchildren. Raising kids at any time of life can be very stressful. Raising kids a second time around when you are elderly, not in good health, and not expecting it can be overwhelming. Common tasks such as getting grandkids ready for school or helping them with homework become stressful. Dealing with grandkids who are failing classes, skipping school, or receiving detentions or suspensions adds even more stress.
• Fighting with grandkids. Grandparent caregivers report more fights with their grandchildren than other grandparents.
• Caring for other family members. Grandparents can find themselves caring for other loved ones while watching their grandchildren. Said one grandfather, "I got a lot on my back. I take care of my wife who has cancer and my two grandbabies. I chase around after my daughter on the streets trying to make sure she eats, at least" (Burton, 1992, p. 748).
• Not fitting in with other parents. Grandparent caregivers have trouble fitting in with other parents. A grandmother commented, "We are in a totally different age group. . . . We got people, like at church, who are raising the same age children but are in a totally different world than we are, social wise, and all that" (Landry-Meyer & Newman, p. 1014).

In addition to these challenges, a variety of individual challenges face grandparent caregivers. Some grandparents worry about their children or grandchildren using drugs. Others worry about the neighborhoods their children grow up in. Some grandparents worry about children in prison. Others worry about raising a baby with HIV. One grandparent reported worrying over "the instability of children and grandchildren as they [the children and grandchildren] changed jobs, boyfriends, and living arrangements" (Musil & Standing, 2005, p. 324). Another said, "My child leads such a chaotic and sad life that I get chest pains and anxiety symptoms" (Musil & Standing, p. 324).

Success Raising Your Grandchildren

Raising grandchildren can be challenging, but it is not without joy. One African American grandmother commented, "I've had cancer for six years. Without these children, I wouldn't be alive today. They are my reason for living" (Burton, 1992, p. 749). Here are just some of the rewards grandparents can get through providing care for their grandchildren:

• A purpose for living
• Love and companionship
• Feelings of being appreciated
• Hope for the future
• Satisfaction of helping others

Finding meaning in caregiving may help grandparent caregivers meet the challenges of their role. Here are some suggestions on how to make your experience a positive one.

• Be optimistic and foster a sense of hope in your grandchildren. Your optimism will affect your grandchildren, helping them to feel loved and wanted and giving them a sense of hope. Your grandchildren need to have a strong sense of hope to be prepared for the future. Their hope and optimism will help them do better in school, in athletics, and at work. With hope and optimism, they will face setbacks with cheerful persistence whereas pessimists will give up or see themselves as victims. Be optimistic, if not for yourself, for your grandchildren.
• Learn about child and adolescent development in today's society. If a friend encourages you to take a parenting class, you may feel insulted. After all, you have already raised children. However, knowledge about childhood, adolescence, and parenting has increased greatly over the last few decades. Learning about the changes will help you raise your grandchildren successfully. Some of these ideas can be found in other articles at this website. (Andrew: Include a link to the parenting content area)
• Cooperate with the parent who shares responsibility for care (if applicable). When a parent and a grandparent of a child share responsibility for care, conflict likely occurs. The parent can become jealous if the child prefers the grandparent's care. They may spoil the child instead of helping the child grow by reinforcing the rules. If find yourself in a situation like this, sit down with the parent and agree on clearly defined childcare responsibilities. Children develop best in a consistent environment where they know what is expected of them.
• Monitor social and academic development. Kids in grade school often blame themselves for the loss of their parents and may fear that their grandparents will leave them too. Sometimes they let out their anger and frustration on their classmates. They tend to fall behind at school because they are too preoccupied with family problems. Know how your grandchildren are behaving at school. Go to PTA meetings. Meet with children's teachers. Teachers can identify problems that deserve attention and together you can decide on efforts to overcome them.
• Become aware of available services, obligations, and rights. You can find information on resources in the " Resources Available to Grandparent Caregivers" section of the expanded article.
• Take breaks from the demands of caregiving. You need to preserve your health to provide the best care for your grandchildren. Allow yourself regularly schedule times for rest, hobbies, learning, and exercise. Learn to manage stress. Find a responsible adult to watch the grandchildren for a while and spend some time alone, regaining strength and perspective.
• Recognize when a child may need counseling. Many grandparent caregivers seek counseling for their grandchildren. But model children are often overlooked. Model children are the "sturdy little ones who seem to have it all together" (Glass & Huneycutt, 2002, p. 155). Grandparents may count on them to help raise the other children. But children should act like children. The child may be depressed and turning inward instead of acting out physically or verbally. Here is a list of indicators that normally signal the need for therapy:
• The child has been physically or sexually abused
• The child begins to remember past abuse
• The child seems depressed, particularly if he or she has been abused (even very young children can get depressed)
• The child has behavioral, psychological, emotional, medical, or academic problems for a noticeable or prolonged period of time
• The child is experiencing extreme fear or extreme anger
• The child is acting out sexually
• The child is fighting constantly or acts cruel toward others
• The child wets the bed, starts fires, and acts cruel toward animals
• The child becomes self-destructive, talks about hurting him or herself or shows hints of wanting to die

If your grandchild has any of these symptoms, strongly consider getting help. School counselors, psychologists, family therapists, or clergy may be able to provide the help your child needs.

Conclusion

Many challenges face grandparent caregivers. However, amid these challenges, millions of grandparents continue to raise their grandchildren. These grandparents are heroes, providing love and care to children who would have otherwise been cared for by strangers in foster care. Through giving care, grandparent caregivers can gain a purpose for living, love and companionship,feelings of appreciation, hope for the future, and satisfaction of blessing a life of a child. As grandparents use the resources available to them, and as others work to help them, more grandparent caregivers will be able to overcome the challenges and reap the rewards of raising grandchildren.

For More Information

AARP Website

Contains a section for grandparents raising grandchildren, providing articles and services for grandparents.

Generations United

Provides resources for educating policymakers and the public about the economic, social, and personal issues of multigenerational households.

The Foundation for Grandparenting

Provides an excerpt from the "The Grandparent Guide" by Dr. Arthur Kornhaber on raising grandchildren.

"Grandparents Raising Grandkids: Information for Grandparents"

Provides information on financial support, parenting skills, food and nutrition, child safety, and taking care of yourself.

"First Steps: Getting Started Raising Relatives' Children"

Provides information and resources for grandparent caregivers.

"Grandparents Raising Grandchildren"

Covers topics such as stories, dealing with stress, mental health disorders, helping the children, financial assistance, legal issues, Internet resources, and local resources.

Written by Rebecca J. S. Cox, Research Assistant, and edited by Richard B. Miller and Stephen F. Duncan, Professors in the School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

References

Anderson, K. A., & Anderson, S. (2004). The story of Karen Best Andresen and Stan Andresen. Retrieved July 6, 2005, from the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Website: http://www.raisingyourgrandchildren.com/Our_Stories.htm Burnette, D. (1999). Social relationships of Latino grandparent caregivers: A role theory perspective. Gerontologist, 39, 49-58.

Burton , L. M. (1992). Black grandparents rearing children of drug-addicted parents: Stressors, outcomes, and social service needs. Gerontologist, 32, 744-751.

Edwards, O. W. (2003). Living with grandma: A grandfamily study. School Psychology International, 24 (2), 204-217.

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (1995, November). The family: A proclamation to the world. Ensign, 102. Retrieved July 6, 2005, from http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,161-1-11-1,FF.html

Goldberg-Glen, R. S. (2000). Factors associated with stress among grandparents raising their grandchildren. Family Relations, 49, 97-106.

Glass, J. C., & Huneycutt, T. L. (2002). Grandparents parenting grandchildren: Extent of situation, issues involved, and educational implications. Educational Gerontology, 28 (2), 139-161 .

Joslin, D. & Harrison, R. (2002). Self-reported physical health among older surrogate parents to children orphaned and affected by HIV disease. AIDS Care, 14 (5), 619-624.

Kolomer, S. R., & McCallion, P. (2005). Depression and caregiver mastery in grandfathers caring for their grandchildren. International Journal of Aging & Human Development, 60, 283-294.

Simmons, T. & Dye, J. L. (2003). Grandparents living with grandchildren: 2000. In US Census Bureau 2000 Brief. Retrieved June 20, 2005 from http://www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/c2kbr-31.pdf

Strom, R. D., & Strom, S. K. (1993). Grandparents raising grandchildren: Goals and support groups. Educational Gerontology, 19 (8), 70.