Being a Successful Single Parent Main Article LDS Perspective

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The Family: A Proclamation to the World affirms that "the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of his children" (¶ 1). Some families may not fit the traditional mold of a father, a mother, and children who live together in covenant relationships. Due to situations of death, divorce, or never marrying, some families may find themselves in less then ideal circumstances. The Proclamation instructs that "disability, death or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation" (¶ 7). Single parent units are still families, and the true principles contained in the Proclamation still apply. Elder Ben B. Banks (1993) teaches, "even in single parent families, the family continues on, for families are forever" (p. 28). The Proclamation and statements from leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints provide comfort and give guidelines for adaptation of gospel principles to single parent families.

Unique challenges of single parent families

Single parent families face challenges that are uniquely theirs. Without a partner or help-meet, a parent must attend to the physical and emotional needs of the children, deal with financial difficulties, and maintain a social life with other adults. Bitterness, feelings of disappointment, and a sense of failure may plague single parents, but President Hunter (1989, p. 77) warns that these feelings should be avoided so as not to "color your perception" on life. Happiness in family life is still an option and a blessing, due to the good news of the gospel.

Single parents should strive to do their best in their situation. President Hinckley (1997) acknowledges: "Your burdens are heavy. We know this. Your concerns are deep. There is never enough money. There is never enough time. Do the very best you can and plead with the Lord for his help" (p. 63).

The Savior is always there

Loneliness may be a symptom of single parents. However, there are many who are concerned about and who pray especially for those who are single parents; thus, single parents should never feel that they are left alone and forgotten in their trials. Church leaders are mindful of the great worry and strain that plague single parents. President Hinckley has said, "Our hearts reach out to [single mothers]" (1995, p. 99) and "great is our obligation to you" (1996, p. 68). Single parents are encouraged to counsel with their priesthood leaders for help and guidance in their lives. Church leaders can provide assistance in many ways, such as assisting in the job search for a mother who has been out of the workforce or simply offering prayers on behalf of the member.

Rear children in righteousness

A constant concern for any parent is the upbringing of his or her children: Will my child become a functioning adult member of society? How can I best help my child to succeed? Will this trial adversely affect my child? Single parents are not exempt from this worry; in fact, for them the concern is magnified, because they must shoulder the responsibility of child-rearing alone. Although children in single parent homes may face unique challenges, there are still ways a single parent can buffer against the effects of having only one parent at home. President Hinckley (1995) mentions setting an example, teaching children to work, and encouraging sons to prepare financially and spiritually to serve missions.

Ancient scripture instructs that the teaching of a child must begin at a young age: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). Modern prophets have reaffirmed the importance of all parents striving to raise children in righteousness. Elder Ben B. Banks (1993), himself a child of a single parent home, offers a number of suggestions for parents to strengthen families and foster unity. Some of his suggestions include effective communication, doing things together as a family, disciplining with love, and establishing a house of God.

Children face special challenges with an absent parent. However, President Hinckley (1995) has said, "The more surely you rear your children in the ways of the gospel of Jesus Christ, with love and high expectation, the more likely that there will be peace in their lives" (p. 99). Living and teaching the principles of the gospel can assure single parents that their children will not be lost.

Live the principles of the gospel

The peace that comes of righteously living the gospel is available to any single parent. Though burdens are heavy and wearisome, "The light of Jesus Christ is stronger than any darkness we face in this life, if we have faith in him, seek after him, and obey him" (Jensen, 2000, p. 62). Living the gospel brings a peace that is not available from any other source. Living the principles of the gospel that are emphasized in the Proclamation, such as faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, and love, will bring strength and unity to single parent families.

Trust in the Lord

President James E. Faust (2002) recognizes that "each of us has problems that we cannot solve and weaknesses that we cannot conquer without reaching out through prayer to a higher source of strength" (p. 59). The Lord stands ready to hear our prayers. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6). Single parents are not left to struggle alone, and when trials come there is always one who knows our struggles better then anyone else ever could. "God our Eternal Father . . . and His Beloved Son can come to the weary and the lonely by the power of the Spirit to comfort and sustain, to nurture and to bless" (Hinckley, 1997, p. 600).

Church leaders offer prayers on the behalf of single parents, and "Many hands stand ready to help you. The Lord is not unmindful of you. Neither is his church" (Hinckley, 1996, p. 69). He invites all, single or married or otherwise, to "come unto him and partake of his goodness" (2 Nephi 26:33).

Written by Kristi Tanner, Research Assistant, and edited by Stephen F. Duncan, Professor, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

References

Banks, B. B. (1993, November). Take time for your children. Ensign, 28-30. Retrieved August 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1993.htm/ensign%20november%201993.htm/take%20time%20for%20your%20children.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=622

Faust, J. E. (2002, May). The lifeline of prayer. Ensign, 59-62. Retrieved August 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/2002.htm/ensign%20may%202002.htm/the%20lifeline%20of%20prayer.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=3046

Hinckley, G. B. (1995, November). Stand strong against the wiles of the world. Ensign, 98-101. Retrieved August 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1995.htm/ensign%20november%201995.htm/stand%20strong%20against%20the%20wiles%20of%20the%20world.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=1128

Hinckley, G. B. (1996, November). Women of the church. Ensign, 67-70. Retrieved August 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1996.htm/ensign%20november%201996.htm/women%20of%20the%20church.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=1793

Hinckley, G. B. (1997, March). A conversation with single adults. Ensign, 58-63. Retrieved August 2003, from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1997.htm/ensign%20march%201997.htm/a%20conversation%20with%20single%20adults.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=7012

Hinckley, G. B. (1997). Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book.

Hunter, H. H. (1989, June). The church is for all people. Ensign, 75-77. Retrieved August 2003 from http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1989.htm/ensign%20june%201989.htm/the%20church%20is%20for%20all%20people.htm?f=templates$fn=document-frame.htm$3.0$q=$x=$nc=3174

Jensen, V. U. (2000, November). Lead, kindly light. Ensign, 62-63. Retrieved August 2003, from